Wednesday, 6 July 2011
Banned from Tesco's!
Earlier today I was at my local Tesco buying a large bag of Purina dog food for my loyal pet and was at the checkout when the woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had, a bloody elephant? So... since I was in a sarcy mood, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't because I ended up in hospital last time, but that I'd lost 2 stone before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that everyone in the queue was now enthralled by my story)
Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's bum and a car hit us both.