Wednesday, 18 May 2011

Cajame's Handy Sewing Tips - Chap. 1

 1.   To ensure productivity, take frequent short breaks from your sewing. 
     Utilize this time by trawling craft-related blogs and/or tweets.   
     (One hour plus is the suggested minimum).

2.   Take great care to ensure you do not sew your make to yourself.
     This is both highly irritating and extremely easy to do, 
     (and is a total and utter bastard when machining).
3.   Ensure the whereabouts of your needle at all times.
     (or your arse will find it for you).

4.   Constantly scan your sewing location for predators. 
     Practice evacuation techniques*, in the event a dog/cat/toddler enters the 5
     metre exclusion zone.
     *remember....  holler, grab, run.

5.   When sewing disaster strikes... pick up said project & hurl it violently at
     the wall whilst at the same time shrieking obscenities.
     Thus achieving two aims:-   
     i)   It will safeguard the dog from being kicked.
    ii)  Your neighbours will think you're insane, thus avoiding you... therefore 
     freeing up more valuable  sewing time.

6.   Give up all pretence of doing any housework.  It will still need doing
     tomorrow and... 
     no-one thanks you for it anyway. 

7.   Leave bits of fabric/thread/tools lying about at every opportunity, thus
     enabling your family to share in your creative genius. 
     At the very least this may ensure they acknowledge your existence.

8.   Be carnally creative. 
     One 5 minute unexpected but strategically placed sexual act will reap an 
     average of 5 hours gloriously un-interrupted sewing time.

9.   Want some new material or sewing gadget?
     Know he'll moan about it and/or hates shopping? 
     Find it on Ebay & tell him it's a fantastic bargain.  Leave him to it, then 
     sit back and relax whilst awaiting the arrival of the postman with eager 

10.  Turn the spare bedroom into your studio and put a bolt on the door.
     All that gorgeous creative space - and it's all yours. 
     Plus.... lack of bed = no visitors = more time to sew.

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